Ma Vie En Prose

Happy Birthday, Pete

2008-04-20T21:27:00.002-05:00

This afternoon I attended a birthday party for a buddy named Pete. Pete is homeless. For a few years, I’d seen him downtown riding his bike but I never really spoke to him. Pete mostly keeps to himself. Most nights, he’s just wandering around doing odd jobs for various bars. He usually cleans up after people . . . bussing tables and sweeping floors and helping people lock up.
I only really met Pete recently. He never bothered me so I never bothered him. However, a few months ago, that changed. Not long ago, I lost a friend. She was killed by a homeless man. After that, I harbored a passionate distrust and disgust for the homeless. This included Pete. One night a few months ago, I was downtown hanging out with John John, a friend who was bartending. That night I had too many to drive home. While I wasn’t very drunk, I still wasn’t comfortable driving. I decided to walk home. I only live about a mile from downtown. Though I’d walked the route many times, I knew it was a foolish thing to do. You see, I don’t live in a good neighborhood. A body shouldn’t walk it alone at night. That night John John complained to Pete about my history of doing just that. Well, Pete immediately turned to me and said that he’d walk me home so that I wouldn’t have to make the trip alone. Incidentally, Pete is an intimidating individual. He’s 6 feet tall and a hell of a lot stronger than most people his age. (I’ve seen him beat 30-year-olds at arm wrestling.) It also doesn’t hurt that most people downtown know him, including the unsavory types.
I initially ignored his offer. I assumed it was random talk from a local drunk. However, that night, he repeated himself. For whatever reason, I believed him. I bought him a beer, and later that evening, Pete walked with me back to my place. I was glad to have the company and shocked that he didn’t ask me for money when we arrived. He just told me good night and kept walking.
Since then Pete and I have been pals. He calls me Doc. I’m not sure if he remembers my real name. I’ll buy him a beer or two most nights that I see him out. Sometimes I’ll hand him a few bucks, always making him promise that he’ll buy food with it. He’s accompanied me home a few other times. Hell, he walks a lot of people home or to their cars. He shows people respect, and they return it in kind.
The party was in a warehouse. A couple of local bar owners organized the whole thing. There was a keg, and four turn tables were put to good use. John John was on the grill slowly filling an aluminum pan with sausage and ribs and pork chops. At least 30 people milled about wishing Pete a happy birthday, enjoying themselves and making sure Pete enjoyed himself. There were even two sweet dogs wandering around making friends with anyone willing to offer a bit of whatever they were eating. When I left, Pete was sitting in a chair with a very full belly and a cup of beer.
Happy 60th birthday, Pete. You’ve helped me see things a little differently.

Masters Wrap Up

2008-04-14T19:42:00.003-05:00

Masters week is now over. I spent the week working as a backserver at a very nice restaurant. This is not the same restaurant where I worked last year. I'll be sharing random stories from the week in the next few days. Here's a few to start you off.

I met a doctor from the area. I forget his name. I was chatting with his wife about a doctor we both know who lives in Savannah. The woman keeps me at the table talking to her for several minutes, and the husband begins to laugh. Apparently, she has a predilection for loquacity. (You know you like my big words!) I excuse myself from the table so I can return to work, but before I walk away, he shakes my hand. Now, maybe I imagined this, but the handshake felt odd. He kinda twisted my hand from side to side. It wasn't really obvious, but it was definitely different than the handshake I got when he and his wife left the restaurant at the end of the meal. Maybe he was just being lazy at first or maybe I've seen too many old spy movies.

Also, Masters fans do not laugh when you suggest watching The Dukes of Hazzard instead of the last hour of the tournament.

I Am OK

2008-03-24T13:48:00.000-05:00

Two days ago I got some bad news about a friend. I was upset. I wanted to write things out, but I didn’t have it in last night. I won’t go into the details here. I felt a little better today. I’ve even tried to be productive. Hurray for healthy decisions.

shit

2008-03-23T00:40:00.001-05:00

My night didn't begin badly. It began with the standard dose of anxiety to which I've become accustomed and a pinch of hope. The hope was based on the fact that I was supposed to meet a woman for drinks. My night would come to take a sudden and horrible detour.

I don't have the heart to finish this tonight.

RIP Roy Scheider

2008-03-10T02:35:00.001-05:00

Bye Bye Life - "All That Jazz" 1979
It's a little out of synch. That's youtube for you.

Another Unpleasant Night

2008-02-26T03:34:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to fall asleep for hours, and it hasn't been working. Bad thoughts keep rushing through my mind leaving me lonely and uncomfortable and angry. On nights like this I miss the time in my life when I could shut out people and emotion. I would walk through much of my day with a chilled emptiness. Even though I felt isolated and unhappy, I could at least detach myself from what was bothering me. It was almost as if I could pull a bit of the hurt and resentment out of my mind and lock it behind glass. I could sit and study and contemplate the badness while remaining safely removed . . . mostly removed, anyway. Once I relearned how to open myself, I thought that I'd rather feel Hamlet's slings and arrows instead of enduring the blunted and protected existence to which I'd become accustomed. Looking back, those thoughts now seem like arrogance. At times like this, I dearly miss that numbness.

If anyone is concerned about me doing something foolish, then let me address that now. I will not hurt myself in any fashion. I simply need to get some things off my chest. If you are still concerned, then call me, and I'll calm you down. Some of you have a tendency to talk too much. If I want to discuss this with anyone who doesn't read this blog, I'll bring it up with them. That's not your decision to make.

I Am A Cool Uncle

2008-02-20T16:12:00.003-05:00

Friday, I drove to Savannah. My brother and father and oldest nephew were in Daytona for the Daytona 500. I'm not into NASCAR so I didn't go. My sis-in-law was in Savannah with my two younger nephews with my mom. Saturday, Mom, SIL and the baby went to some kind of craft show. My middle nephew (six years old) and I used this as an opportunity to spend a day being boys. We went to a local fun park. First, he rode a gokart by himself on the kiddie track. There was only one other boy driving at the same time. Both of them had the same problem, namely the tendency to pay attention to where the other driver was and not to where they were going. There was more than one near-miss with the metal railing. After that, I drove him on the big track in a two-seater gokart. Even though our kart wasn't as fast as the single-seaters, I got a thrill out of frustrating another guy's attempts to pass us. He was not pleased, but I couldn't stop grinning. Then the boy and I played miniature golf. His score ranged from 3 to a much higher number. (A few times I stopped counting after 10 strokes.) Before we left, he played a lot of skeeball, and there were a few unfortunate attempts at standard video games. We turned in the skeeball tickets he won for a purple lollipop and three temporary tattoos (a snake, a happy face and an alien). On the way home, we stopped at Burger King for a well-earned manly feast. He had just finished his fries when he fell asleep in the car.

Sunday, I took him fishing in the little pond at my parent's place. It's really an enormous mud puddle, but it does have fish. I taught him how to cast a line which he did really well. He only hit the land 2-3 times and didn't once hook himself. I was very proud. While we were fishing he kept asking me questions about the pond.

Him: Did you ever swim in the pond?
Me: Yes, when I was a boy. See that tree? We tied a rope to it and swung into the water.
Him: What's in the pond?
Me: Mud and sticks.
Him: You walked on the sticks?
Me: Yeah, but it wasn't too bad.
Him: Were there fish in it?
Me: Yeah, and turtles. (I didn't tell him about the occasional snake.)

--Can you see where he's going with this?--

Him: Can I go swimming in the pond today?
Me: No, not today. It's too cold. Maybe I'll take you later.
Him: Can I stick my hand in the water?
Me: Sure, that is fine.

Negotiating with a child isn't much different than negotiating with an adult. The goals are just a little different. I remember when swimming is a pond was a matter of enormous importance.

grumble

2008-02-11T01:17:00.000-05:00

Tonight I watched the last half of Saving Private Ryan. At the very end, when the old guy is talking to the headstone in the cemetery, I started to get choked up. I was completely alone and completely sober. I wasn't overly tired or upset before this moment. I fought against it a little, but I couldn't stop myself from shedding a few tears. It didn't last long, but it did happen. I've seen this movie a dozen times, and I've never gotten emotional. There was just something about that guy standing alone recognizing that he'd never be able to thank (and maybe apologize to) someone that had passed away. I don't feel bad about crying. Recently, I've had a few moments like this.

I'm still having moments like this.

2008-02-06T19:20:00.001-05:00

Last night I was out with friends listening to music. Another friend, who I don't see often, was also there. At one point, she turns to me and says, "Meredith asked about you last week."

I was dumbstruck for a moment. I heard myself thinking things like:
"But you didn't even know her!"
""What are you talking about?"
"Is this a joke?"
or "That's not funny."

When I finally spoke, all I could muster was "But . . . what?" That's when I realized that she was talking about a mutual friend named Meredith. A Meredith who lives in Florida. A Meredith who was recently married. A Meredith I, in fact, called on Saturday to say hi. However, in that moment, there was only one Meredith, and she did not ask about me last week.

I'm not sure if my expression telegraphed my shock and confusion. If she noticed, I didn't pick up on it.

Sunday, I watched the Super Bowl with my parents. After the game, I wanted a beer. Since my parents don't drink, there was none at their house. However, a cousin left some beer in my grandmother's fridge . . . in my grandmother's house . . . and that is exactly how I thought of it. I was going to drive one mile to Grandma's place. Completely normal to me. I visit Grandma every time I go to Savannah. However, this time I had to get my father's key because there was no one to let me in. No one gave me a kiss when I entered. The television wasn't on. Boxes of pictures and decorations and various other souvenirs of life were stacked on the dining table. All in all, everything was too quiet and too cluttered and weird. Weird. Everything was just weird and wrong, and I didn't like it at all.

I still have moments like these two. They happen rarely enough to deliver a consistently high level of confusion and discomfort, yet often enough to make me regularly anxious.

Tonight I'm staying in and baking. It's a good low-stress activity. The banana bread isn't good, and I may throw it all out. I'm not sure if the blame lies with the recipe or me. I've never used this recipe before tonight. I have zucchini bread in the oven now. I have a good success rate with that recipe.

To The Woman I Met In The Grocery Store

2006-11-26T23:04:00.000-05:00

It has been a long time since I've done much baking. I want to thank you for talking to me and answering my cooking questions. However, I'm confused about something. How did my question about baking flour inspire you to offer an unsolicited lesson on your religious philosophy concerning life's hardships? I was just baking a damn cake.

I realize that we are now once again caught in the garish jaws of another holiday season. As such, many people feel inclined and/or obligated to publically show their religious zeal ad nauseum as if this were some kind of extended holier-than-thou pep rally for The Almighty. Allow me to make my feelings on this matter clear. If you are a stranger to me, then I don't give a shit about your religion, and no matter how close we get to your favorite holiday, i swear on everything you believe that i won't give a damn about what you believe.

amen

I Went On A Date

2006-11-14T21:26:00.000-05:00

Considering she doesn't know about this blog, I haven't asked her if she wants me to use her real name. For now, let's just call her Martial Art Girl (MAG). Right away, many of you may have picked up on part of my attraction to her. I'm unfamiliar with her particular art. The style itself isn't really important. I just like the idea of a chick who knows how to throw a punch.

Random drama seems drawn to me like a closeted frat boy is drawn to touch football in the backyard on a warm summer night when the Bud Lite keg is floating. (I'll give you all a moment to conjure that image. Here's a detail you might have missed. He always wants to play shirts vs. skins, and he's the first to disrobe.) Anyway, the drama fairy made an appearance this evening. We had just been seated a few minutes before. While deciding on drinks and looking at the menu, the seater walks into the room and says to a server, "Do you know if there is a doctor here? I think this guy is having a heart attack." MAG didn't heart this, so she was a little confused when she saw me stand up and follow the seater out of the room saying, "Hey! Where is this guy?" I was directed toward a woman standing over a seated man who looked about 70. I introduced myself as a 4th-year medical student. Consider it my way of saying, "I may not know shit, but it looks like I'm your only option, fella." I then started asking questions that seemed important.

"What's going on?"
"How long?"
(At this point, I asked the woman to call 911. She had already called.)
"Any chest pain?"
"Can you breath?"
"Did you fall out or have you been awake the whole time?"
"Any numbness or tingling?"

(I like to keep things simple at the beginning of every relationship.)

His answers led me to the belief that he wasn't having a heart attack. It sounded more like some flavor of stroke. Soon thereafter, EMS arrived. I told them what I learned and asked, "He's yours now, right?" They agreed. The woman thanked me, and I went back to my date. I apologized and tried to make small talk, but I kept looking back at the guy. It seemed to take forever to get him on the stretcher. When they finally rolled him out, I heard myself say, "Why aren't they giving him oxygen?" Then I noticed that MAG was giving me a strange smile.
MAG -- "You can't shut it off, can you?"
me -- (softly and almost apologetically) "No."

She then described a medic friend of hers who acted the same way when they were hanging out and found themselves in a similar situation. She laughed it off. I apologized again, and we changed the subject.

She knew I had worked the day before and spent the entire previous night on call at the hospital, getting only about 3 hours of sleep before working 8 more busy hours that morning and afternoon. What she didn't know was that about 10 hours before we met, one of our patients coded. We went to work . . . shocks, drugs, a tube down his throat and chest compressions. He died. After the ambulance left with the guy from the restaurant, I was annoyed. I'm proud of what I do, but I didn't want MAG to see me as JUST a doctor or medical student or whatever. I was on a date with a very cool chick. I was done taking care of people that day. This was MY time, dammit! However, she was right. I had to do something.

The rest of the dinner was without incident.

Later, we had a few drinks and played pool and darts. There was much flirting in both word and action. I let her take the lead since I didn't know her boundaries. Afterward, we went back to John and Heather's place (who were wonderful enough to, once again, put me up for the night) and played games. I had a great time, and I've heard that she did as well. Because of our busy schedules, I haven't spoken to her since that night. She lives 2 hours from me, but because we share several friends, I'm sure I'll see her, again. Hopefully, it will be as her date, not as a distant pal.

***addendum***
BTW, this is my 250th post.

Maryland Rape Law

2006-11-14T21:23:00.000-05:00

clock Nov 1, 2006 7:37 am US/Eastern
Court Makes Ruling On Maryland Rape Laws
Image

Kathryn Brown
Reporting

(WJZ) Baltimore, MD A bold ruling leads to anger, as a Maryland Court redefines the meaning of rape.

The ruling from the court says if a woman withdraws her prior consent once intercourse has already begun, then that consent stands, and CANNOT be considered rape. It's igniting fury among women's rights groups who advocate a woman's right to say no to sex at anytime, that however is not in line with Maryland laws.

WJZ'S Kathryn Brown spoke to a member of the Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault. "You should have the right to say no at anytime and that no should mean no and if sexual acts continue after you've withdrawn your consent, they should be considered a crime." said Jennifer Pollitt Hill.

Under current Maryland laws in the commission of a rape, consent maybe not be withdrawn during the act of intercourse and consent must precede the penetration.

"It's dangerous because what that does is say to the victim if this ever happens to you don't bother reporting it, and it says to the perpetrator we think your behavior is okay." adds Hill.

Courts in seven states have issued rulings supporting a woman's right to withdraw consent, two including Maryland have rejected it.

Defense Attorney Warren Brown says the laws may be outdated but don't leave women totally without protection. "Get off Get off No No NO Stop Stop and they continue under Maryland law that's not rape. But then it becomes an assault., and hell you can get ten years for an assault."

Bills allowing a woman to withdraw her consent at anytime failed in Maryland in 2004 and 2005. Now some lawmakers say the ruling could be just the push they need to get it through.

"The legislature's going to be called upon to decide where's the middle ground there." added Brown.

Some lawmakers have already say publicly they intend to address the issue during the upcoming general assembly.

link to original article
http://wjz.com/topstories/local_story_304214927.html

link to further information (opinion link can be found on this page)
http://lawprofessors.typepad.com/crimprof_blog/2006/11/maryland_court_.html

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

can someone please explain to me how this is a damn law?

S

Go Ahead And Ask Me About My Fucking Day

2006-11-06T20:31:00.000-05:00

today i got an EKG. yes, the thing where they put wires on your chest and check out your heart. why would a 28-year-old have that done? take your pick.
1. he might work in a teaching hospital and be involved in a teaching exercise. (this is the wrong choice.)
2. he could have noticed sporatic heart palpitations. then, he might have used his stethoscope to hear his own a randomly occuring arrhythmia. afterward, he might describe this to two doctors who suggested he get an EKG. of course, when he examined the EKG, he might have become shit scared at the printout (evidence for a worryisome cardiac conduction defect and a potentially fatal electrolyte imbalance). afterward, he could have called his doctor's office, left her a message, scheduled an appointment in two days and contemplated going to the ER. of course, his doctor might call him back and get him to go to her office immediately. then, the young man might get a new EKG that shows ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.

there is probably nothing wrong with my heart. the second EKG was done properly. the wires weren't placed right in the first one which caused the abnormal results. as for the arrythmia and palpitations, that, too, is probably nothing to worry about. in fact, i believe that it was worry that caused it. some people are predisposed to something called premature ventricular contractions. (the heart occasionally skips a beat.) i'm one of those people. stress can make this worse. i have been under a bit of stress lately. noticing a new arrythmia didn't help.

i'm home, now. i'm drinking a beer. i'm fine.

I Did Not Know This

2006-10-05T20:20:00.000-05:00

Krazy Glue can cause certain fabrics to get really hot and start smoking.

The Story

I have a certain pair of shoes that I really like. These shoes do not have a sole like most shoes. Instead, they have a piece of thick fabric glued to a rubber "honeycomb." For a while now, this fabric has been pulling away from the rubber and bunching up under my foot. This began as a periodic annoyance, but has lately turned into an every-time-I-wear-these-shoes annoyance. I bought some Krazy Glue to reattach the fabric. I first glued the bottom of the fabric to the rubber, and it seemed to work well. I then tried to fix a piece of the fabric that had kinda pulled apart from itself. That sounds strange, so let's just say the fabric was broken so I glued it back together. About 5 seconds after I applied the glue, the top of the fabric got really hot to touch. Confused, I put it down and noticed a plume of smoke rise from inside my shoe. I read the back of the glue packaging but didn't see any warning of "May Cause Certain Fabrics To Burst Into Flame, Incinerating You And Everything You Own." After the first puff of smoke, I didn't apply any more glue. No more smoke came, and a moment later, the shoe was cool to touch. As this happened quickly, I have no picture. Sorry.

Murder Has Never Been So Gay!!

2006-09-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

First off, I'd like to make it clear that I did not do it.

Last night, my friend LadyL threw a Murder Mystery Party. This is the second such party she's put together. However, last night's shindig was different from the first. Ya see, the first was prepackaged. It literally came in a box. All the characters had scripts, and there was little improv. Last night's affair was pure product de LadyL. Every character had an extensive description and a few clues they were obligated to provide. Everyone even had a "suggested" quirk. However, there was a lot of room to make each character unique in any fashion. This was probably my favorite part. (I was the veteran of some nonspecific war with too much money and too little class.) We could goof off in any direction we pleased without much risk of messing up the game. The night was structured, but not rigid (another cool feature), thus allowing our fine host to spontaneously alter things when alterations were necessary.

A few random elements of the evening . . .
-The murdered guy was my long, lost father.
-The murdered guy was gay.
-The murdered guy's estranged son was also gay.
-The murdered guy's childhood friend and priest was gay. Can you tell that LadyL really likes theatre?
-The French maid was as crazy as a shithouse rat.
-The Texas stock broker was obsessed with the idea that people were looking at his ass, but he wasn't gay.
-The hostess, played by LadyL, was a lesbian.
-The vegetarian environmentalist might have been a lesbian.
-It was very important that everyone knew that my character was not gay.
-I didn't know in what war I fought. Apparently, I tried to stop the Red Baron from killing Lincoln in Normandy by attacking his Iraqi troops in Saigon . . . or something like that.
-Everyone had sex with the French maid at some point in the past. Maybe she turned them all gay.
-The duchess was adamant that she was not then and had never been a duke.
-The ninja sucked at sneaking.
-There is something called earlobe cancer, and it will kill you.
-There is something called a Tiki Death Grip and it will kill you . . . unless you get penicillin.
-I learned that several of my friends know how to say "Miss Big Tits" in French.
-A vegetarian, potentially-lesbian environmentalist looks really sexy smoking a cigar.
-Soy substitute is made from chicken.

That's all for now. I had a great time. I can't wait for the next one.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2006-09-18T12:35:00.000-05:00

This video of a kid freaking out on an amusement park ride will make you laugh your ass off even though you know it's wrong to do so. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSGJKYuLkNk

Stranded

2006-09-11T19:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I decided to go to the gym around 6pm, and my car wouldn't start. Specifically, the engine would turn over but not actually crank. A friend came by around 8 with jumper cables, just in case. We got the car to start by gunning the engine, but it would shut off as soon as the gas pedal was no longer pressed. Since it's an automatic, I couldn't easily keep the engine revved to try to make it to a mechanic, so I thought I was stuck hiring a tow truck. Today, I called various mechanics to explain the situation and get advice. The general consensus was that the battery wasn't providing enough juice for the fuel injector to do its job. Afterward I tried to crank it again. Once again, I got it to start and stay on by continuously giving it gas. I drove to an auto parts store to test the battery. After a diagnostic, I was told that it needed to be replaced. While there, I noticed the label telling me the battery had a 3-year replacement guarantee. I then drove to Wal-mart. After finding the right battery, the guy told me how to change it myself. He didn't offer to have the shop do it. Oh, no. Apparently, character building is now Wal-mart policy (along with making people work no more than 38 documented hours per week so they could call them "part-time" workers and thereby not have to offer them benefits). So, I got the battery installed. The car now runs well, again, and it only cost me some time and energy.

No Trespassing

2006-09-09T20:14:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I found what might have been mouse feces. I wasn't sure, so I just kept my eyes open. Last night, a friend said she saw one run under my couch. Today I bought traps. Old-timey traps. The finger-snapping kind from old cartoons. Incidently, they hurt like Hell when they snap your fingers. I placed four throughout my apartment. 10 minutes ago, I made my first kill. I don't know how many there are, so I'm gonna keep the traps active for a while. However, Brian's reaction to my OTHER plan has led me to reconsider it. I will no long be making popsickle stick crucifixes as a warning to the others.

I Love The ER

2006-08-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

I've found my calling. This is what I want to do for a living. I love this job. Here are a few of my experiences so far.

I get to stab people. Ya see, there are these things called abscesses. An abscess is a collection of pus, kinda like a small water balloon of nastiness. Sexy, no? They can be found anywhere, and they usually hurt like Hell. If they are indurated (hard), then the treatment is usually a muddafugga gettin' cut. If I wanted to church it up, then I'd call it "incision and drainage." However, I respect you guys too much for that. The truth is that I STAB people. Here's some advice, if you have one and you go to the ER, bring someone to drive you home. If you do, you get percocet beforehand. If not, I tell you to look the other way while I jam a blade into your tender bits and squeeze.

I get to wrestle people. Let's say, hypothetically, you do something foolish, and the police bring you to the ER. While there, you HYPOTHETICALLY act like asshole (screaming, threatening, kicking the door, etc.) Well, eventually, we'll get tired of your shit and fill out some paperwork. It's some of the most wonderful paperwork I've seen. It says that you are a threat to yourself and/or others, and it gives us the right to restrain you . . . forcibly, if necessary (and it's usually necessary). Then, HYPOTHETICALLY, 6 or 7 of my buddies and I will grab you, strap your sorry ass to a bed, and inject you with a large dose of "shut the fuck up". At this point, it is within your power to spit at us. We will then simply cover your face with a mask or bedsheet (which is funnier) and leave you that way.

I get to really help people. Occasionally, bad things happen to people who are just living their lives and not huring anyone. If I'm lucky, I get to help them, and they are stronger, healthier and happier than they were before they saw me. Also, sometimes, not everday, but sometimes, I get to actually help save someone's life. Holy Shit!

I work with some cool people. This is some of the things I get to hear and say.
"They helicoptered this guy here for this. *pause* When we waste resources, we waste THE SHIT out of resources."
"I think I got tricked into looking at this guy's anus."
"What do you mean he's in 5-point restraints? He has no legs. He can only be in 3-point restraints."
"She lied to us. Let's send her home."
"You should thank me. I treated him and streeted him."
"Who thinks this guy was shot more than once?"
"If you see him on the street, run him over."

I love this job.

Interesting

2006-07-30T01:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah, if I have a guardian angel, I imagine it's an asshole like me.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!

Your a Guradien Angel! Guardien Angels are also knows as Warrior Angels, because they are the army of God. Not always meaning that they are in war, simply that their job is to protect unwary humans from dark dragons, or other evil demons. Warrior Angels are not always friendly with humans, but they will watch over them all the time. Humans say that when a miracle happens, thank your guradien angel.
Take this quiz!

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FYI

2006-06-20T21:23:00.000-05:00

When performing chest compressions on someone, it's not uncommon to feel ribs crack. It is, however, a little creepy.

Damn, Stubborn Balance of Life

2006-06-11T22:56:00.000-05:00

First, some happy news. Friday I went to Athens. John and Heather gave me a place to crash. For dinner, they humored me and my addiction to Taco Stand's cheap and wonderful food. That night, we hung out with LadyL and Bruce at their new house. We tried to play a new board game. However, no matter how much we drank, it was too difficult to make it risque so we gave up. Then we all watched The Beastmaster. That's right, baby. The Beastmaster! The alcohol flowed in and the smartass comments flowed out like the life-sustaining breath of a beautiful (and drunk and beligerent) child. It was magical. Saturday, I attended the wedding of a family friend. The ceremony was short and the reception comfortable. I proved (once again) to my family that I clean up well; I played with my nephews; I also enjoyed the company of friends I haven't seen in a long while. The highlight of the reception was this exchange with my older nephew (6 years old):

-Nephew: (loudly) Uncle [S], I remember the hand sign you taught me.
-Me: [a cold sweat materializes over my entire body]
(externally) What hand sign?
(internally) Jesus H. Christ! What did I teach him?
-Nephew: [thrusts his hand into the air, extends his index and pinkie finger]
ROCK AND ROLL!
-Me: (externally) That's right, buddy. Good job!
(internally) Oh, thank God. That wasn't too bad.

Afterward, I went back to la maison de John and Heather to relax and collect my things before leaving. We hung out for a while. Heather and I discussed her graphic novel in the works. Then LadyL showed up with her baby. I made goofy faces and noises at him which made him coo and giggle. (I might have done the same in response, but that doesn't mean I won't attack and curse you if you bring it up in public.) All too soon, I was forced by normal-life's commitments to make my goodbyes and return home.

And then, today happened.

During the course of my 14-hour day, two patients coded in the hospital. (For the sake of simplicity, let's just say they had heart attacks.) My team was on call, so it was our job to respond to every code. I respond to every code anyway, so this is nothing new to me. The first person was my patient last week. I helped treat her for several days. I new her family. While on my service, she had recovered enough to be transferred to a different unit in the building. I've seen several codes being run, but this was the first time that I jumped in to perform chest compressions. It's not like it seems on TV. You get tired quickly. It's noisy. You start sweating immediately. Four of us cycled around performing compressions while several more did other tasks. After 20 minutes, she was declared dead. I've seen serval people who were dying and many more who had already died, but this was the first person I've ever seen die right in front of me. Part of me reeled in the moment; part of me was a machine. Afterward, I followed several doctors to break the news to the family. The husband began to cry and asked to be left alone. As soon as we all left, he asked to see the me and the intern that cared for her before her transfer. With tears in his eyes, he shook our hands and thanked us. I hugged him and told him I was sorry. Then I left. It wasn't my place to stay, and I had work to do.

About 2 hours later, the second code was announced throughout the hospital. He was a stranger to me. Again, I ran to the scene and jumped in to do chest compressions. It was easier for me this time . . . less chaotic. He also died, and his family saw everything. Afterward, I passed them in the hall. They were distraught. I didn't feel as though I could help, so I kept walking. Besides, I still had work to do. You can call me an asshole. You can call me cold-blooded. I don't care.

I forgot to call my parents yesterday to let them know I arrived here safely, so I called them tonight when I got home. They didn't answer. I assume they were already asleep. I left the message on their machine and told them I love them.

An Open Letter I Never Wanted To Have Reason To Write

2006-05-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Patient,

I am your medical student. Though I am here to learn, I am still a member of your healthcare team. I study your medical records to better understand you and your situation. I act as your advocate to ensure that you receive the best care we can provide. I keep you and your loved ones informed so that you and those that care about you will feel empowered in the face of potentially overwhelming events. Even when I am under stress and exhausted, I always remind myself to treat you with the simple respect every patient deserves. The point is that I work hard for you, and I ask very little in return.

Please don't masturbate while I'm trying to perform a physical on you. Seriously, that's not cool.

Sincerely,
S

What's Your Slogan?

2006-05-02T21:48:00.000-05:00

Find out how you would be marketed. It's good for a laugh.

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

My favorite results were:
"The curiously strong S."
"Gonna be a while. Grab a(an) S." This one works better with my actual name.
"Any Time, Any Place, S."

A Much Better Friday Night

2006-04-30T11:33:00.000-05:00

I was hanging out with two friends at the usual bar. We decided on a change of scenery and walked to a place usually frequented by rockers, punks, skinheads and people who would be hipsters if they bought 40-dollar-tshirts and 150-dollar-stressed-jeans. The bar had a pool table and a dart board, and we didn't know anyone there, so it was perfect.

The highlight of the evening was when one of my friends (we'll call her E for now) and I were playing pool against a drunk and very loud skinhead and his buddy. Despite their intoxication, they were good. When they were shooting the 8 ball, we still had one of ours left. E stepped up. She sank our last ball then got ready for the 8 ball. It was a long shot with a bit of an angle. I kept quiet, but inside I was telepathically screaming at her to hit it lightly. LIGHTLY GOD DAMMIT. JUST TAP THE FUCKING THING. Well, one or both of us isn't a telepath. She knocked the shit out of the 8 ball, and she did it perfectly. The 8 ball went down faster than a coked up groupie. People in the bar actually stopped to watch the end of the game. Apparently, the skinhead was a regular and known for being good at pool. E then picked up her stick and threw it down on the table. Understand . . . she didn't toss her stick onto the table. She slammed the damn thing down. The theme of the moment was "BADASS!"

At other points in the evening, the three of us played darts and argued about whether or not Angelina Jolie would have sex with me. Toward then end of the evening, I did a pole dance to "Honky Tonk Woman" while the other girl pretended to asphyxiate me with my belt and fuck me from behind. (No, I don't have any pictures, and I'm pissed about it.)

E will soon be moving to Jacksonville, FL. Before she goes, we'll have to squeeze in at least one more night like this.

This Is Just Silly

2006-04-26T15:35:00.000-05:00

Find your own pose!

Seriously, look at it. No one with a complete and functional spine could be comfortable lying like that all night. Also, I get hot when I cuddle too long. I prefer long-term contact to be light.

Well, Are You?

2006-04-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

Are you prepared for bird flu?

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

2006-04-20T18:59:00.000-05:00

My pirate name is:

Iron Sam Read

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even through many pirates have a reputation for not being the brightest souls on earth, you defy the sterotypes. You've got taste and education. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Standard Friday Night

2006-04-14T22:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't been feeling well lately. Work ended early, so I went home and slept for a few hours. Around 10 PM, I was wide awake. I didn't feel like going to a smokey bar, so I decided to stay in and clean. I'd made some progress, so I decided to reward myself with a cold, refreshing beer. To my disappointment, the beer was not as cold and refreshing as I'd hoped. I contemplated this. I keep beer in the minifridge I've had since college. It has always performed it's duties well, so a single semi-chilled beer was enough to catch my attention. Upon inspection, I found that the fridge door was not making a proper seal. I quickly discovered that the cause was the relatively large accumulation of ice and frost I have chosen to ignore for God-knows-how-long.

I then set my energies to the new task of de-icing the minifridge. My plan was to chip away the bulk of the ice. One might think, as I did, that this was to be a necessary but banal endeavor. Recognizing that a large quantity of ice was to be removed, I chose my de-icing tool according to my needs . . . specifically, something that could be used to both chop and stab. The beer can is provided for scale.

The plan worked well until it spontaneously didn't.

During one of the "stabbing" sessions, a barrier containing a pressurized gas was breached resulting immediately in a deceptively benign-sounding hissing noise followed very quickly by a pain in my left index finger caused by a freezing burn. In a period of time best measured in parts of seconds, my concern over the state of my fridge and finger was overshadowed by my concern over what industrial chemical was just sprayed into my face.

After washing my face, checking my vision, and determining if my heart was beating appropriately (under the given circumstances) I decided that I probably wasn't going to die. However, I wanted confirmation. I then began to call a series of people (including various level-headed and knowledgeable types) in part to relate the story and in part to get any advice they might have to offer. Everyone seemed to be in agreement on the following:
1. weird shit happens to me
2. I was probably OK.

This, however, wasn't enough for me, so, after a brief internet search on common chemicals used in refridgeration, I called poison control. (I believe in being thorough.)

I am now confident that I'll be fine. However, I'm afraid my fridge is fucked.

Fun Trip

2006-04-12T18:21:00.000-05:00

Spring break was fun. Nothing too exciting or catastrophic happened. My skin is a bit darker and my hair is several shades lighter. I drank more and read less than I had planned, but I got to hang out with my friends so I can't complain much about how I spent my time. I also learned something important (potentially extremely important) about myself. I cannot accurately guess the age of a female in a swimsuit. I intend to propose legislation that anyone under the age of 18 must wear some kind of external signal that says "hands off."

Leeeeeaviiiiiiing On A . . . Highway

2006-03-31T20:31:00.000-05:00

Leaving for Florida tomorrow with some friends. I've never been on a spring break beach trip. The only problem at this point is that I have a cold. However, I've been sick for 3 days now, so hopefully, I'll recover soon. Wish me a fun and safe trip. I mean that, dammit. I'm tired of bad luck. Surround me in white light, fuckers.

New Rotation

2006-03-28T23:14:00.000-05:00

I'm back home on my neurology rotation now. It's all clinic work, which isn't my favorite thing to do, but the hours are nice. I arrive at 8 AM, and I'm out the door at or before 5 PM. I'm not complaining at all about that. Some parts are really interesting. I'm getting to see some really interesting things. The downside is that, like a lot of medical disorders, there is little we can do for some people other than help them hold onto whatever they have (mobility, comfort, autonomy, life) for as long as we can. Over the last two days, I've seen a bit of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's diseases. The experience has been sobering.

I've met many people in positions similar to the ones in which my current patients find themselves. Most were patients. Much fewer in my personal life. Each deals which their experience differently. Some turn to religion. Others rely on drugs. For others, misery has become part of their identity, and they wallow in it. A few deal with it the way most of us wish we could deal with life's simple annoyances . . . they accept what they need to accept and move on. Today, I met one of those people. We did the doctor/patient thing for a while. Then we just shot the shit about random stuff: allergies, sports, jokes, work. I took a little longer than I should have. In truth, I got a bit distracted and behind in my work for a moment which led to me catching some grief from my boss. I'll survive. This guy was cool. He's someone I'd probably buy a beer. I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting month.

Movie Guessing Meme

2006-03-23T20:01:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Trin and LadyL.

Think of your favorite underrated film, type the name into Google and do an image search. Find the best pic and then post it in your journal, but don't say what the name of the movie is! Once you post the picture, it's up to your friends to figure out what the movie is from the pic you posted!

Back in Augusta

2006-03-22T20:40:00.000-05:00

I finished the clinical part of the rotation today around noon. Afterward, I walked around saying my goodbyes. The site coordinator (my main boss and the guy who will ultimately decide my subjective grade) said that the feedback he's gotten so far was positive. He still has to send out a survey to everyone with whom I worked before he'll finish my evaluation. However, he said at this point, it looks like I'll be making an A. This made me happy, but I've heard stories from other students on various rotations who have been burned on their evaluations after hearing news like this. Time will tell.

The last person I saw was the OB/GYN who took me under his wing. I thanked him for everything and told him I'd be in touch. I meant that. He's agreed to write me a letter of recommendation regardless of what field I chose to enter. The guy rocks. We talked for a bit about the pro's and con's of ER and OB/GYN. He even offered to supervise me if I decided to do an OB/GYN rotation with him. I also told him again that he's made my decision of which career path I should chose very difficult. I did, however, say that I'm still committed to emergency medicine, but that I haven't yet been exposed to actual ER work. My first ER rotation is in July. I told him that I wouldn't make a final decision until then, but that I'd definitely keep him informed about the situation.

In closing, there is a story I've been meaning to tell. Some of you role-playing types might get a big kick out of it. A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to take a PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) course for free. I jumped at the offer. I'm already ACLS (Advanced Cardiac Life Support) certified. This was almost the same thing, except that it was all about kids and babies. Think shock paddles, CPR, artificial ventilation, fluid replacement, and drugs that bring people back from "mostly dead." It took two days and was a lot of fun. Like ACLS, the certification test consisted of two parts: a written and an oral exam. The written part was a standard multiple choice test. However, the oral part was pretty cool. It was exactly like a role-playing game. I'm sitting at a table with the attending physician running the test (he's the GM) and a resident. The resident and I will be tested individually. I go first. The test went something like this . . .

GM- You are working in an ER. An ambulance arrives with a 9-month-old baby and her parents. The parents report that the baby has been less active all day, but now doesn't seem to respond much to anything. The left leg is also swollen, and, before the baby became unresponsive, the leg seemed to be very tender.

me- I walk into the room and look at the baby. What do I see?

GM- The baby is on the table. It's wearing a diaper. The left thigh is larger than the right.

me- Do I have a nurse?

GM- Yes.

me- I ask the nurse to take the vital signs while I examine the baby. I also want the baby hooked up to a monitor and pulse-ox. Regular blood pressures would also be nice. I want to check the baby's airway, breathing, and circulation immediately. Is the baby moving air?

GM- Yes.

me- How is the baby breathing? Are there signs of respiratory distress?

GM- Shallow breaths. Nasal flaring. Retractions. Use of accessory muscles. (All of this is bad.)

me- Can I feel a brachial pulse? (This is easier than carotid on an infant.)

GM- It's weak.

me- Capillary refill?

GM- 5 seconds (This should be less than 2 seconds.)

me- What are the vitals?

GM- (He gives me the numbers. Essentially, the blood pressure is low and the heart rate and respiratory rate are high. The temperature is normal. The baby is oxygenating it's blood well.)

me- The baby is hypovolemic. (A big word meaning either dehydrated or low on blood. Since I didn't hear about bleeding and don't see blood, I assume the baby is dehydrated. I say this.)

me- I ask the parents if the baby has had diarrhea or been vomiting.

GM- They say no.

me- I ask the nurse to get me IV access and weigh the baby.

GM- OK

me- I want to give an IV bolus of normal saline. 20 mg/kg. After the fluid is in, I recheck capillary refill.

. . .

It kept going from there.

It turns out that in this scenerio, the baby was being abused and neglected. I stabilize the patient, get a full body xray, admit the patient, call social services, and ask security to detain the parents. The whole thing reminded me of the last time I played with my friends in Athens. However, this time, I wasn't making funny but crude comments while drunk.

Quick, Random Update (With Lots of Hyphens)

2006-03-14T22:07:00.000-05:00

My wisdom-tooth-ordeal has progressed thusly:
-pain and big-time swelling
-getting better
-swelling almost gone with slight tenderness
-sudden, left-lower jaw swelling with savage doubled-over-"i'll-beat-you-if-you-touch-me" pain resulting in a trip to the local ER at 5am
-spontaneous appointment with local maxillo-facial surgeon who treats me the way I wish the ER staff treated me (by this I mean "competently")
-getting to hear a surgeon say . . .
"If you had gotten here 24 hours later, I'd want to admit you."
"potentially life-threatening infection"
-learning first-hand that there are some kinds of pain that percocet can't fucking touch
-swelling gone, but sublime pain still present
-scheduled appointment with said surgeon Thursday afternoon

In other news, I have finally gotten to deliver a baby. SO. FUCKING. COOL.

Also, I have witnessed a three circumcisions and performed two. I still don't like this practice, however there are a few instances in which it is medically necessary so I want to learn how to do it.

I am on my pediatrics rotation, but I have been "adopted" by an OB/GYN attending who is determined to make me an OB/GYN. In his words, "I know talent when I see it." That made me feel really damn good.

On a related note, I am considering switching from Emergency Medicine to OB/GYN. I wish I'd met this guy before I had my such a bad experience with my OB/GYN rotation. I haven't made up my mind yet, just tossing around the idea at this point.

On a final note, post a comment you fuckers. Yes, I'm talking about you.

lakjdfkaldfj

2006-03-04T19:11:00.000-05:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love languages are probably
Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		8
Acts of Service:		7
Quality Time:		5
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

My face has almost completely returned to its original size and shape. Also, things seem to hurt less. All of this pleases me.

There are a few widely known jokes in the medical community. Here is one of them.

Q: What do you call the person who graduates last in his class from medical school?

A: Doctor

Cute, huh? What the joke fails to address is that this doctor then has to scramble around to get a shitty residency position at the Our Lady of the Hidden Rash Pungent Genitalia Clinic.

I need a nap.

Face. Hurts. Much.

2006-02-24T18:41:00.000-05:00

I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday morning. Apparently it was a difficult operation and not just because the pain meds wore off before it was over causing me to wake up and halucinate. Part of the difficulty was that I'm 27, and my teeth were fully formed. Another problem was their placement. The bottom two were both snugly lodged between other teeth and sensitive nerves. When the operation was finished and I'd recovered enough to think in words, I noticed that my bottom lip and anterior (front) chin was numb. In fact, the right side of this area was completely insensate. I still had motor control, but no feeling. Nothing. I expected some loss of sensation, but that was scary. My dentist called yesterday to check on me. She told me that when the bottom right tooth was removed, she could actually see the nerve completely exposed below it. While the nerve wasn't damaged, it was still "annoyed" (for lack of a better term). Well, the feeling completely returned to the bottom of my face today which brought some relief. However, the pain hasn't let up at all. In fact, my face is now more swollen than yesterday. This, too, was expected, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

So, for any of you who may be going under the knife anytime soon, allow me to offer some of my newfound wisdom.

1. Fentanyl will grab your mind and fuck it like a coked-up whore. No matter what you think you remember, get someone to tell you what actually happened.

2. Before the operation, keep the conversation with the staff light. I know a little something about human physiology. While hooked up to the vital signs machine, I noticed something that caught my eye. I know that sometimes these machines aren't very accurate, so I wasn't really worried. I should have kept my mouth shut. Instead, I turn to the nurse and ask, "Should my blood pressure be that low?" This did nothing other than make the poor nurse very uncomforatable.

3. If you are going to have friends or family take care of you afterward, start thanking them and apologizing ahead of time. You will likely be a demanding, confused mess after the operation. I would like to take this moment to publically acknowledge Agent E. He exceded expectations in every way. Thanks, pal. Your gift is still at my place.

Tomorrow, I'm visiting my parents for a day then returning to Columbus. I won't have much internet access come Sunday, but I'll try to stay in touch.

Still Alive

2006-02-02T18:08:00.000-05:00

Aside from a flat tire, last weekend in Tennessee was fun. I hung out with old friends and had a great time. Saturday night's theme was "bring an interesting 6 pack of beer." A few of us didn't stop at just a 6 pack. Eventually, we had a massive collection from which anyone could sample anything. 3 hours later, most of us were properly shitfaced. A friend started giving me advice about my love life. The 7-year-old daughter of one of the guests heard this and tried to comfort me by putting her arm around my neck and kissing my cheek. Motivated by the laughter of my friends and deaf to my protests, she demanded that everyone should keep their hands off of me. My face could only be interpretted as a combination of "frightened" and "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?". The girl's attention was drawn from me when her mother tried to explain why she should stop what she was doing.

mother--I told you that you're not supposed to kiss people like that.
girl--No you didn't.
mother--Yes, I did. Remember when you kissed your classmate?
girl--You said not to kiss little boys. This is a big boy.

My friends erupted in laughter. I just shook my head.

Lots To Write

2006-01-22T23:09:00.000-05:00

but no time right now. i'll try to sign on later this week.

also, i plan on visiting brian and scott in tennessee this weekend. wish me safety and fun.

bye for now.

On Teeth

2006-01-20T00:35:00.000-05:00

My two upper wisdom teeth have come in. My two bottom wisdom teeth are lagging a bit. Soon, all four will be surgically excised, which is a nice way of saying that I'll pay a small fortune to have them ripped from my fucking head. All four were just minding their business until recently. Ya see, in order to work properly, teeth need to come in opposing pairs. If they don't, then you risk crushing a piece of food (a kernal of popcorn, for instance) into your gum. Because the average mouth is about as clean as a hobo's foot, this can cause an infection and hurt like savage Hell. The end result is you gargling salt water and wondering why God hates you so much.

Incidently, if your dentist looks down and you and says . . .
"Your gum is so swollen that it has an indentation from your upper wisdom tooth. That's amazing. I've never seen that before."

then you'll want to reply with . . .
"Fuck you, tooth scraper. I'll give you five bucks if you shut the fuck up while you do your God damned job. My jaw hurts. Fix it."

but instead you'll say . . .
"Does this mean you're going to name a syndrome after me?"

Book Meme

2006-01-19T23:50:00.000-05:00

-Bold- the ones I've read

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams .
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger One of the best books ever.
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter 6) - J.K. Rowling
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) - J.K. Rowling
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Book 4) - J.K. Rowling
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter 5) - J.K. Rowling
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Book 1) - J.K. Rowling
Neuromancer - William Gibson
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson
The Secret History - Donna Tart
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Book 2) - J.K. Rowling
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
American Gods - Neil Gaiman
Ender's Game (The Ender Saga) - Orson Scott Card
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson
A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman
Atonement - Ian McEwan
The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Dune - Frank Herbert

no, i haven't read Lord of the Rings. i read the first two books, but, for one reason or another, i never got around to reading the third. i'll remedy that some day. there are a few other titles on the list i want to read. one day i'll find the time.

Funny

2006-01-13T18:32:00.000-05:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about S!

S was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons.

More people are killed by s each year than die in aeroplane accidents.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find s.

S never said 'Play it again, Sam'.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal s.

The eye of an ostrich is bigger than s.

Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than s!

A thimbleful of s would weigh over 100 million tons.

The pupil of an octopus's eye is shaped like s.

S once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest!

You Owcho Gotdam Mind?!?

2006-01-12T16:04:00.000-05:00

quick update.

i'm not in augusta for the next month or so. i'm currently doing my psychiatry rotation. i have no internet access at the apartment they gave me. i can only check email from work (therefore no myspace or blogging or porn sites).

i work in a psychiatric hospital. we have a few dozen inpatients, both adult and pediatric. i have learned that if i'm going to wait on something, it's in my best interest to wait in the administrative area behind the glass. the patients know that if we're behind the glass, the things they want to say to us better be pretty damn important. also, i have learned that i have very little patience with almost everything and everyone lately. this is another reason i'm very grateful for the glass.

sometimes i like to offer bits of recent converstaions i've had. i don't think it's a good idea to do that during this rotation.

in other news, i had a doctor appointment today. i have an abscess in/under/around one of my teeth. she thinks it might be my wisdom teeth finally raising Hell and recommened i see a dentist pronto. the appointment is next wednesday. i have also been having savage, intermittent cramping left lower quadrant pain for a few years now that has increased in freqency in the last few months. thursday, i am scheduled for a gastrointestinal work-up. the bottom line is that at this time next week, my gut tube might be very sore at both ends, and i'll probably be in a foul motherfucking mood. stay tuned!!

A Story with Pics

2006-01-02T19:56:00.000-05:00

New year's eve was fun. First, I met some friends downtown.

Then we drank a little.

Then John-John bent space-time.

The End

Firsts

2006-01-02T12:31:00.000-05:00

stolen from a friend's myspace post.

FIRSTS.

01. Who was the first person you talked to in 2006?
Mike

02. The first person you hugged?
Mike

03. The first person you called?
Fluff, the bouncer, to let him know i got home safely

04. The first person you texted?
Brian

05. The first drink you drank?
champagne then beer

06. The first person that called you?
Brian

07. The first person that texted you?
J

8. Who was the 1st person to hang up on you?
hasn't happened yet

9. What was the first thing you watched on TV?
the ball dropping in New York City

10. Who was the first person you thought of?
the girl who 24 hours earlier told me she didn't want to see me again before I left town. I was wondering why she was sitting across the table from me.

11. What was the first thing you ate?
some kind of bar pretzel

12. What were you wearing at midnight?
red shirt and jeans

13. Who was the first person you kissed?
I can't really remember who was first. It was either Kay, on the cheek, or John-John, on the forehead. I have yet to be really kissed in 2006.

Happy New Year, Ya Bastards

2006-01-01T03:40:00.000-05:00

tonight didn't begin well, but it ultimately didn't suck. i didn't feel well earlier, so i skipped a party and stayed home until 11:30. at that point, i met some friends at our bar. (no, we don't own the place, but it's still OUR BAR. i'll put it this way . . . our credit is good and if any of us want some asshole gone, then he's gone.) so, i go downtown to meet my friends and immediately run into my most recent ex. (God really does play the best practical jokes.) then she decides to not only hang out with us, but also ignore me while making pseudo-subtle passes at my friend. yes, he also dated her at one time (long story) but we both got the distinct impression that she was doing it to fuck with me. she eventually left which didn't bug me in the least. i then did the obligatory-new-year's-text-message-and-phone-call thing.

the night was uneventful thereafter. we hung out until the lights got bright. mike flirted with his ex while thomas and i started cleaning. (i told you it was our bar.) the night ended with me hanging out and goofing off with some good friends.

i'm now back home, shoes off, nursing a beer. i'd like to think that this is the theme of the new year: relaxed. the last year (and a half) was, for lack of a better term, a real bitch. i don't believe in signs of things to come, but that doesn't mean i don't look for them. if my next year turned out like my last few hours, i wouldn't mind at all.

so, to all of my friends and family, happy new year. i love you guys.

Sobered Up and Calmed Down

2005-12-31T16:17:00.000-05:00

***I'll fill in the rest later.***

The Best ___ I ever spent. Rules: it has to be something you yourself purchased, not something someone else bought for you. It cannot be a group of things that add up to the amount. It may be something you bought for someone else.

The best $5: every new martial arts belt i purchased after a successful advancement
The best $10: pad thai at a local restaurant
The best $15:
The best $20: claddagh ring
The best $50: black "Eurotrash boots"
The best $80: kick-ass sunglasses that I lost
The best $100:
The best $200: my very comfortable bed
The best $500: Glock 30
The best $800: round trip tickets to Europe
The best $1000:
The best other:

A Rant That Is Late Coming

2005-12-30T04:36:00.000-05:00

i've taken my share of shit from women over the years for my tendency to chase young tail. normally, i shrugged it off. no. fucking. more. in the past few years, i've dated females that had -5 to +7 years on me. the only difference is that the older chicks had better credit. however, this usually doesn't mean a god damn thing considering i still cover most of the restaurant and bar tabs.

being immature in your 20's is the same as being immature in your 30's. as far as i'm concerned, if you're at least 21 years old, then you old enough to act like a fucking adult. and for anyone espousing the archaic "it's a woman's prerogative" defense, i have a simple response:
you are part of the problem. put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger.

in nearly every respect, i see no difference between the sexes. this means i will hold women to the same exacting standards i hold for all males. you are not allowed to be weak, lazy, fickle, petulant, hypocritical or emotionally labile and call it being feminine or delicate. if you chose to act or live otherwise, the best you can expect from me is that i will treat you like a child, and i will refuse to apologize for doing so.

as a preemptive response to the inevitable, i am not a misogynist. i'm not even a misanthrope. i'm just too fucking tired to put up with any more nonsense.

And Now A Joke

2005-12-28T02:30:00.000-05:00

Q: What has two thumbs and loves blowjobs?

A: THIS GUY!!

I Retain My Right To Bitch About My Country

2005-12-27T13:05:00.000-05:00

Like the result says, there are a few details about which I'm unsure. I'm not satisfied with my score, but I'm not going to berate myself too much.

BTW, if Brian or Tang read this, I'd like to see your scores. This kind of thing seems to your respective cups of tea.

Citizen
84% civic knowledge

Congratulations, you've passed the test! You're unsure about a few
details, but you have a solid understanding of how American government
works.

NOTE - I am in the process of posting an answer key, with explanations and links, at http://uscivicstest.blogspot.com.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 63% on civic knowledge

Link: The US Citizenship (beta testing) Test written by crabrangoon on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I Got Your Dunwich Horror Right Here!

2005-12-26T19:10:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am teh s3xxy.

Learned Individual
You scored 75 Arcane Wisdom!

You have a pretty firm grasp on matters of the Mythos and Lovecraft's
work, and may even stay sane long enough to help banish some of the
lesser creatures back from whence they came.
You tread the thin line between awareness and being in deeper than you
can handle, so you'll have to be careful not to let yourself go in the
face of the horrors. Otherwise though, this is a good score!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 26% on Arcane Wisdom

Link: The Cthulhu Mythos Test written by deepvoice1982 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Well, Fuck

2005-12-20T18:32:00.000-05:00

If you know me, most of this shouldn't shock you. Still, it's not very flattering.

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	High
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Very Low

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

Small Comfort

2005-12-18T15:01:00.000-05:00

I took my surgery final on Friday. There is a chance that I failed it as bad as Robert Downey Jr with his last drug test. However, I can apparently pass 8th grade science.

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Pretty Good Day

2005-12-13T14:47:00.000-05:00

Aside from being on call last night and getting some piss poor sleep, today didn't suck nearly as much as expected. I managed to avoid the usual caffeine-induced-post-call-stomach-ache. I finished all of my morning work in time. I didn't even get hassled for not completing a small project (that I will have finished by tomorrow morning). However, the highlight of my day was potentially diagnosing the cause of a patient's very confusing problem. I can't give out too much information, obviously. The gist of the situation is that this guy has several problems. Most of them, we understand. Yet there was one finding, just one, that stumped everyone. One damn body part was messed up, and we didn't know why. (Not that part, you sick bastards.) The bitch is that his problem didn't present like anything any of us recognized, and unfortunately, this problem could mean a boatload of trouble. So I sat down and went through his medical history looking for any damn thing I could find that might cause his affliction. Then I stumbled across something on the internet that stuck out. I read about a rare and unusual side effect of a very common medication. I had never heard of this side effect, but it fit this guy's symptoms perfectly. I showed it to two doctors. Neither of them had ever heard of it. I then looked up the medication in a respected drug text. There it was, again.

This came at the perfect time. I got an evaluation last Friday. The doc told me that I was doing well, but sometimes it seemed like I was just "going through the motions." When I asked him how I could improve, he told me to put forth a little more effort into understanding my patients. Essentially, he wanted me to become more involved in their care. From the reaction I got, I think he was impressed.

Though this man has several chronic problems, the one I'm describing brought him to the hospital in a savage amount of pain. I may not be right, and I certainly haven't cured this man, but figuring this out might help him live a better life. It's not often that I get an ego boost like this that could also help out someone else. It's a cool feeling.

Just . . . Wow!!

2005-12-11T18:32:00.000-05:00

http://www.jokaroo.com/extremevideos/stunningillusion.html

i can see how someone might pull off the coin trick, but the thing with the salt shaker blew me away.

http://media.putfile.com/23721

i don't think i'd eat something i pulled out of a wall, but it's still impressive. i wonder if it works with electronics and jewelry catalogues.

I'm Ugly In The Right Ways . . .

2005-12-10T01:55:00.000-05:00

. . . apparently.

i don't know how i get myself into these fixes, but i always manage to get out of them with a few good stories.

in case Agent E or the Lizard decide to read this, i'm sorry i disappeared so quickly. it was a weird night that ended well. no, that does not mean i got laid. a night can be plusgood without sex. (if you got that reference, you are such a fucking geek.)

aside from losing more games of pool than i won (fuckin' fuck!!!), i also wrote the following sentence on the wall of a bar with a Sharpie:
"That which nourishes me destroys me."
It sounds more impressive in latin, but i wasn't sure of the latin spelling, so i used english.

lately, that part of me that believes (nay, "KNOWS") that i am better (in every conceivable way) than most of the cattle (not you, gentle reader) that slow me down in traffic, has taken a major blow. don't worry, kids. i will recover, stronger and more resentful than once i was.

have you ever listened to a story about someone committing suicide and thought, "fuck! when are we going to get back to me? i had some poignant shit to say before i was interupted. i don't even know that asshole."?? i'm sure that last sentence is grammatically incorrect, but i don't care right now. my way makes sense.

today, an attending physician (big boss) told me that i was very intelligent, and he could see me being a surgeon. no, i don't want to be a surgeon (right now). however, that was still a much needed ego-boost.

From A Recent Public Post On Myspace

2005-12-05T04:29:00.000-05:00

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.

Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and It's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important

PLEASE REPOST IF YOU AGREE WITH IT.

****The above text was the original.****

I agree with every word except "Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape."

I'd like to restate that I AGREE WITH EVERY WORD EXCEPT THAT SENTENCE.

If everyone agreed to live by these rules, then I wouldn't have a problem with any of this. Unfortunately, everyone doesn't. I know several people (not just females) that have been raped, sexually assaulted or sexually abused. Some were children at the time. I've listened to their stories with as much calm and support as I could muster while inside barely suppressing the rage I felt that someone could violate another person so terribly.

I know there is nothing I can do to undo what happened to them. However, that doesn't mean that we can't help in some way. I have done and/or continue to do the following:

-Teach women's self defense and rape prevention classes. I was an assistant instructor in 3 such programs (that were organized and initiated by a woman). Each program consisted of several classes. I taught simple martial arts techniques and various ways to maintain awareness of one's surroundings.

-Be a companion. I pick my friend-girls up from home. I drop them off. I walk them to and from their cars.

-Be proactive. I make sure I know who is taking my friend-girls home. If they are drunk, I find out where they will be staying. If they seem uncomfortable in a situation, I insert myself into that situation to make sure they are ok. I make sure that I know what is going on in my home at all times. I give them a safe place to crash for the night if they need one.

-Be empowering. I let them know that there are things they can do to protect themselves (lock your doors and windows, leave uncomfortable situations and learn to recognize dangerous ones, call for help). I let them know that I'm available to help, even if I'm not present.

These may seem like small things, but they are things we can do as individuals. Ignoring the things we can do to help only contributes to the problem.

One Day I'll Post Something Pleasant

2005-11-30T22:24:00.000-05:00

Every week, we have a Morbity and Mortality conference. This week, a patient was presented that seemed familiar. He was my patient, and he died. This is the first patient I've ever had that has died. I wasn't there for the operation, but I helped take care of him afterward. For days I Iooked out for him. . .kept up with his labs and such. . . spent time with him and his wife. . .watched him recover after surgery, then deteriorate. None of us knew what was happening. We consulted the experts, but no one saw it coming. He fell into a coma and lingered for a while. When I changed services, I would ask about him from time to time. One day, after things went bad, I saw his wife in the hall. I hugged her and spoke to her for a while. I tried to explain things as best I could, but I never apologized. I don't apologize for anything I can't control. I comforted her with the knowledge that we did everything we could. I never resorted to the trite statements:
"Things happen for the best."
or
"It was God's will."
I don't believe that. The truth is that sometimes bad shit happens. I don't know why, and I may never know. We do what we can, and we deal with the consequences. The rest is wishful thinking and posturing.

I don't know what you all believe, and ultimately, I don't care. Tell your family that you love them. Tell your friends. Tell your kids. Hug them all.

Odd

2005-11-29T19:17:00.000-05:00

I'm constantly amazed at how we all redefine "normal" to fit our environments. Last night I got a high-level trauma alert and ran (RAN) to the ER. I arrived in a huff to the amusement of my resident. The patient was wheeled to us, shot in the leg and beaten with a pistol. We looked him over and the doc said, "They can handle this. Let's get out of here."
me-- So, what do we do now?
doc-- Go back to sleep.

Sleep, my ass. I spent the next two hours coming down from the adrenaline rush.

Whee!

2005-11-27T17:57:00.000-05:00

IMG_0185, originally uploaded by smirkingatyou.

Here's a test.

Number 200

2005-11-26T18:41:00.000-05:00

I wish I could be more positive, but I'm in a terrible mood right now. Nothing specific has happened; I'm just not happy. If you want to commemorate this milestone, then say something nice to cheer me up. Now, dammit.

Me Being Creative

2005-11-20T23:01:00.000-05:00

I was playing around today and came up with these pics. I'm giving similar pics (without cursing) to my neurosurgery residents and interns. Enjoy.

I came up with the idea for this one the day some docs and I bolted some metallic architecture to a poor guy's head.

Most of you should get this next reference. If you don't, then look up "All your base are belong to us" online. Yes, I'm a geek, and this is funny to me.

The line in the next few pics was taken from a movie I've yet to see. The movie is not important. The important part is that this line eloquently states what I've encountered throughout my medical training.

(Yes, that is a knife in some dude's neck.)

I Couldn't Resist

2005-11-11T19:47:00.000-05:00

I was walking to the emergency department with my intern and one of my residents. The intern asked the resident if he still took call with a higher level doctor.

resident--No, I either do it myself, or I have an intern below me.
me-- *mock surprise* You can have an intern blow you?
resident--What?!? . . . You bastard.

The residents in this department give each other shit all the time. Sometimes they'll goof with me, so I goof back. Either I'm showing them that I can hang or thoroughly fucking up my grade.

Quizzes

2005-11-10T18:37:00.000-05:00

i don't have much to say about this one. at least i'm not a hobbit.

Numenorean

To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

i got a 3-way tie on this one, all badasses, too. (yes, johnny depp can be a badass even when wearing mascara.)

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.

Maximus

75%

Captain Jack Sparrow

75%

Batman, the Dark Knight

75%

Indiana Jones

71%

Neo, the "One"

71%

Lara Croft

63%

James Bond, Agent 007

63%

William Wallace

63%

The Terminator

50%

El Zorro

50%

The Amazing Spider-Man

46%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

lakjflajfla;sjfl;sdjfal;kjfq

2005-11-08T23:18:00.000-05:00

i'm so drunk that i'm pissing clear, but i'm not so drunk that i don't understand WHY i'm pissing clear.

someone please pith me. (by the way, you get bonus points if you know what the word "pith" means [in this context] without looking it up.)

oddly enough, i knew how to kill via this method long before medical school. in fact, i used to teach it. it's frighteningly simple.

tonight i listened to irish music and drank an irresponsible amout of beer with 2 doctors. one was my intern last May. the other worked with me during the Hurricane Katrina Relief Effort. both were shocked (SHOCKED) at how different i act when i'm not around patients. perhaps i shouldn't have shouted my philosophy of pain management. ("if i don't get percocet, then you don't get percocet. FUCK OFF!") i attempted to explain to them that i studied drama in college, therefore i have an amazing talent for faking empathy. i also demonstrated my technique by leaning forward, cocking my head slightly to one side, and nodding knowingly. what can i say? everyone's good at something.

i don't think i helped this situation with my later actions. one of the docs was interested in a girl at the bar. he spoke with her, but nothing came of it. (he didn't use the opening line i suggested. "hey baby, i make more money than you can spend.") as it turns out, this girl was with a guy. (you're probably thinking what i'm thinking. "so. fucking. what.") when he returned to the table and told the story, i pulled out my knife and said, "you give me the word, and this guy shits in a bag for the rest of his life." yes, i know how to make this happen. no, i wasn't serious. apparently, he didn't get the joke because he was very nervous around me for the rest of the night. i really shouldn't drink with people i don't know.

Interesting Day

2005-11-03T17:49:00.000-05:00

Today, a friend of mine moderated a panel discussion entitled "Faith and Choice." I got permission to leave the hospital for a while to attend. The panel consisted of 8 local religious officials, 7 from various Christian denominations and 1 rabbi. Half espoused pro-choice views; the other half . . . didn't. (I'm trying to be nice here.) The first 45 minutes consisted of each guest giving their personal views on abortion and the view of their particular faiths. I've heard a lot of anti-choice rhetoric, so that aspect offered few surprises.

The next hour was for questions. Instead of shouting questions to the panel (which would have degenerated into just plain shouting) we wrote questions down and passed them to the moderator. The questions could be directed to an individual or to the group in general. After listening to some of the verbal diarrhea spewn forth from one clergyman in particular, I decided to ask a question. He based part of his argument on the premise that birth was the natural result of pregnancy, hence, induced abortions interfered with natural process of life and, as such, God's plan.

**Side Note** There are a few things you can do to really piss me off during an argument. Here is a short list.
1. Speak about scientific matters as if you are an expert when you have little or no training in or understanding of science. It sounds simple, but people still do it. Don't be one of those people.
2. Say things like "natural law" and "universal truth." If either of these phrases are part of your argument, I will lose all respect for your opinion and probably mock you mercilessly. These terms sound impressive, yet mean nothing. This brings me to my next topic.
3. Rely upon an emotional argument. Emotional arguments have their place, and that place is very limited. (example -- "I found a kitten. Can we keep it? Puh-leeeeeeez.") If your viewpoint can only be defended by evoking trite, pathetically-sentimental, irrelevant nonsense, then my eyes will become glazed as I envision myself beating you with an axe handle.
****

This man was a minister; his field of expertise encompassed religious matters. He attempted to speak about biology with unearned authority (see #1). I considered this trespassing. My question was the 5th or 6th one asked, and it went something like this:
"Considering most conceptions end in miscarriage(ACOG and the NIH will back me up on this), doesn't logic dictate that a viable fetus carried to term is an exception rather than the natural result of pregnancy?"
The mood seemed to suddenly change. Over 150 people went silent for a half second before the ooooo's and oh-my-god's were heard. The minister didn't say anything. Someone shouted "It's true. Answer the question!" My friend, the moderator, calmed everyone down. She then told the minister that the question was written by a medical student. I assume this was meant to assure him that the assertion wasn't bullshit. His only response was that he would have to look up that statistic. I saw at least a half dozen people sign onto the wireless network through PDA's and laptops, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

The rest of the talk ran smoothly. However, I gasped and nearly shouted "bullshit" when another clergyman suggested that induced abortions caused an increased risk of breast cancer and that the evidence supporting this belief was being concealed in some grand conspiracy. Let's get this straight right now. If ANYONE had ANY legitimate evidence for this, they would be world-fucking-famous. I've since calmed myself. I'll simply offer this link. http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3614004.html

When the conference ended, I spoke with a few friends and hugged the moderator. Throughout the entire event, she remained calm and neutral. I was very proud of her.

Scary!

2005-10-31T21:08:00.000-05:00

The cool kids don't look at the camera.

Heh

2005-10-30T19:50:00.000-05:00

Fun at the Titty Twister.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Try This One

2005-10-27T22:06:00.000-05:00

This meme has been floating around the Suicide Girls site for a little while now. It's simple. Give 20 random facts about yourself. On SG, you continue the meme if you are "tagged" by someone. I don't feel like tagging people. Do it if you want.

1. I got a relatively late start on almost everything into which people seem to rush at a young age. . . sex, drugs, tattoos, etc.

2. I have a birthmark under my right buttock. It’s kinda shaped like a spaceship.

3. My primary negative emotion is anger. I rarely feel sadness.

4. I am a very picky eater. I have been this way for years. I doubt this will change. If you cook something, and I don’t eat it, please don’t be offended.

5. “Empathy” and “sympathy” do not mean the same thing. I rarely feel sympathy for anyone.

6. I have a reactionary revulsion to organized religion. This includes your religion.

7. Most of the time, I have no desire to breed. However, the top of a baby’s head has a smell that makes me believe I could be a father. (You're right, LadyL. There is something about that smell. Now wipe that damn smile off your face.)

8. The way you speak and write influences how people think of you. If you sound like a shithead, then people will treat you like a shithead. It’s called “grammar.” Give it a shot. Having said that, I know my grammar isn’t perfect. I’m working on it. Also, more often than not, I know I’m breaking a rule.

9. I rarely remember my dreams. When I do, it’s usually a nightmare or at least something unpleasant.

10. I enjoy sleeping with someone I like . . . literally sleeping. I like knowing that she’s there. Sometimes I wake up several times a night. It’s nice to have someone there to help me fall back to sleep.

11. I used to study martial arts regularly. There was a time when I only felt happy when I was training. I haven’t had the time to study anything in a few years. I miss it the way I would miss a lover.

12. Ladies, you have no idea how beautiful you can be when you stop trying. A woman sleeping . . . need I say more?

13. I have a scar on my chin from playing superman when I was 6. I tripped on my cape.

14. I believe in ghosts. I’m not kidding, and this is not the beginning of some smartass joke. I really believe in ghosts. However, this does not mean I believe your bullshit ghost story.

15. I sleep with a gun under my pillow. I’m not psychotic, and I don’t have PTSD. I grew up around guns, and I’m comfortable with them. I like knowing it’s there.

16. I have been hurt the worst by people that I’ve loved the most. In the past, I tried to be the one to initiate the reconciliation. I don’t do that anymore. (There are exceptions.) If they give a damn, they will make the effort. I’m tired of being hurt more than once by the same person.

17. If you tell me that you love me, I’ll thank you, but I probably won’t believe you. (See #16)

18. I only ever feel attractive for a moment. It never lasts long.

19. Weakness is the quality that I most despise in others and most fear in myself.

20. It may sound silly, but Robert Heinlein’s “Stranger in a Strange Land” describes the most beautiful philosophy of love I’ve ever encountered.

He Lives!

2005-10-26T21:24:00.000-05:00

I'm fine now. Whatever hit me stuck around less than two days. I've heard a few others have come down with something similar. I'm still a little tired, but that's to be expected.

By the way, 2 liters of lactated Ringer's solution feels pretty damn good. No buzz. No drastic changes at all. You just feel subtly better. I should buy that shit in bulk.

Fuck!!

2005-10-25T18:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday sucked. SUCKED.

I woke up at 3:30 AM feeling terrible. Long, disgusting story short . . . for the next 4 hours, most of my extraneous water and electrlytes left my body. At first I thought I had been infected with salmonella after the grilled chicken I'd eaten the night before. Then I noticed the chills and body aches.

I was supposed to show up to my surgery rotation orientation at 6:45. By 5:30, I knew that wasn't going to happen. At 7:30, I managed to contact the surgery department secretary and explain my absense. At this point, I was contemplating driving myself to the ER. I knew I was getting dehydrated, but student health would be open in an hour. I decided to wait. I went back to sleep, woke up at 10:30, and made an afternoon appointment. I wanted to be seen immediately, but I just beginning to tolerate water, so I waited.

When I arrived at student health, one of the nurses saw that I was miserable and took me back faster than she might have any other day. My blood pressure and heart rate told me what I already knew . . . I needed fluid. The PA examined me and listened to my story. She was concerned and wanted to send me to the ER. I didn't want to go. I was having chills, and my body hurt. However, I wasn’t confused and dizzy so I didn’t feel like hanging out at the ER for 4 hours when all I needed was fluid. I told her that I would go home, and if I started to feel bad again, I’d call a friend to take me to the hospital. She agreed.

I called a friend. I told him the situation. He told me he had some IV fluid, needles and tubing at his place. (Don’t ask.) I ran by to pick it up and went home. A little while later, another friend came over to hook me up. She stayed with me until yet another friend took over. He hung out until it was time to take the tube out of my arm.

I felt better today. I’m still a little tired and the fever comes and goes, but another good night of sleep should help. Apparently something this bug is going around.

I’ve said it many times before, but I really love my friends.

Blowing Off Steam

2005-10-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

Monday, I begin my surgery rotation, specifically neurosurgery. It will last 4 weeks. After that, I begin general surgery. During the neuro portion I know I will have no call, and I've heard rumors that I won't have to work weekends. However, I also know that I'll have to study almost constantly.

I've spent the last week and weekend preparing for the complete upheaval of my life. I've driven from one end of the state to the other visiting friends and family. Friday night I found myself in Atlanta having dinner and drinks with one set of friends and later having many more drinks with another set. It was a fun night, and thankfully drama-free.

Last night could best be described as controlled recklessness. One of the twins had to stop drinking after he was hit in the testicles for the third time. (Incidently, if one twin is doubled over in nauseating pain, the other one will laugh. Odd, huh?) Then I managed to avoid having an incriminating photo taken of me after exposing myself. Once the speakers were thrown off the balcony and my friend promised the neighbors that he wouldn't hit their car with a baseball bat, things got interesting. From 3 to 5:30 AM, the last three of us who were awake told each other secrets about the present and their sometimes terrible causes from the past. Then we discussed self defense and practiced some impromptu martial arts. The guy went from being a drinking buddy to what I would consider an actual friend. The girl learned that she's more capable than she had believed. I still have a red streak across my right side from where a friend lashed me with a power cord, but no headache, so I can't really complain.

Today, I have to be productive. I need to wash clothes and do some general cleaning. This afternoon, I'll buy a few pig ears from a butcher so I can practice suturing before tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll also get some reading done before bed.

For The Ladies

2005-10-21T14:24:00.000-05:00

A Reminder. . .
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.I hate Jello. I’ll uh… pick a color for you.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

Heather
1. For a long time, I thought you couldn't stand my presence.
2. "Lord of the Rings" as directed by Kevin Smith. I'm imagining Arwen looking at the One Ring for the first time and saying, "What the shit?!? How the Hell can I get one of those?".
3. hunter green. It reminds me of the forest at night. It can be very beautiful and fun and calming, but if you don't respect it, you are fucked.
4. I had no idea I was describing your nipples.
5. Years ago, after a martial arts class, several of us went out to eat. You rarely came out with us, but you were there that night. You took a napkin and drew a picture of an elf for my girlfriend, Lee.
6. easy, a cat. When you want attention, you interact with others. When you want to be left alone, you don't. And sometimes, for no apparent reason, you will bite the living shit out of someone.
7. another easy one. Considering you don't want to have any kids, why did you pick a profession where you work with small children? I'm surprised I haven't asked you before now.

LadyL
1. I've always appreciated the relationship advice and the fact that you'll listen to me bitch.
2. Moulin Rouge
3. purple. It can be festive or demure.
4. I will not answer to T.D.
5. The night we met, in very quick succession I thought, "Oooo, another redhead!" and "This chick makes a damn good (whatever-the-Hell-it-was-I-was-drinking-that-night)."
6. probably a cockatiel, pretty and easy to underestimate, but smarter than most people will ever know
7. If you were to get a tattoo, what and where?

What LadyLarken Had to Say

2005-10-21T13:49:00.000-05:00

1. I’ll respond with something random about you.

Someday I think you'll be a pretty decent dad.

2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.

Anything by 3rd Eye Blind. Dunno why.

3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.

Cherry!

4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.

...If we were dating, would this be the part where we have angry sex?

5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.

God I'm tired...Oh hey, new guy!

6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.

A ram.

7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.

So how DID you keep the erection while they were tattooing your dick?

The answer
I didn't. It's hard to get an erection while standing in front of a gloved man with an electric needle machine. It's even harder when he's using that needle machine to stab your prick. I was semi-erect. He drew the design on my dick. Then he tattoo'd the design.

And Another

2005-10-20T20:33:00.000-05:00

Three Names You Go By
-People usually only address me by my first or last name. I don't have any commonly used nicknames anymore.

Three Parts of Your Heritage
-Irish
-French
-Cherokee

Three Things That Scare You
-being powerless
-loneliness
-not being able to live my life the way I want

Three of Your Everyday Essentials
-cell phone (sadly true)
-internet access
-some form of exercise (ideally)

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
-blackish jeans
-boxer briefs
-tshirt

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
-ani difranco
-U2
-Rolling Stones

Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment
-"Vindicated" -- Dashboard Confessional
-"Maps" -- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
-"Beverly Hills" -- Weezer

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
- HONESTY
- COMMUNICATION
- trust

Two Truths and a Lie (in no particular order)
- Sometimes my body will twitch and jerk when I daydream.
- I like winter much more than summer.
- I would like to regrow the ponytail I had when I was 20.

Three Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You
- red hair
- intelligence
- a sense of humor

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
- reading
- exercising
- movies

Three Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now
- get my body to look the way I want it to look
- move to a different city
- let go of the past

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation
- Ireland
- French Riviera
- New Zealand

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die
- know real love
- learn to feel attractive for more than a moment
- save the life of someone I love/respect

Three people I want to see take this quiz
- Brian
- John
- Agent E

Meme-age

2005-10-20T10:06:00.000-05:00

Heather posted this meme:
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.I hate Jello. I’ll uh… pick a color for you.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

Here are the responses she gave for me:
1. Tattoo.. Rawr.
2. Fight club.
3. Red. Violence, lust, passion for life.
4. Dare you to run around in the backyard naked..
5. Us all sitting around in Christine’s basement playing Drunkopoly and talking about nipples.
6. Tazmanian devil. Dangerous and completely neorotic. (You can thank John for that one.)
7. With so much dislike for people, why pick a profession that helps them?

In answer to her question, I like medicine because it's fun. I get to do, see, and hear things that few will ever experience. I also like the idea of responding to a fucked up situation and making things better. I feel useful, important, special, and I like it.

Cuz I'm An Asshole

2005-10-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

More Random Shit

me--"Despite our best efforts, the patient lived."

teacher--"I should warn you. This technique has a 0% success rate."
me--"Wait . . .what?"
teacher--"No patient has ever survived to discharge."
me--(flabbergasted)"Then why don't we just smother them instead of hooking them up to the expensive death machine?!?"

Bring It!!

2005-10-17T19:20:00.000-05:00

I am on my last week of Respiratory Care. No call. No patients. No homework. Just 4 hours of class 4 days a week. It's been heaven. The class is very informal, and there's a lot of joking around. I have developed a reputation as a smartass, and the teacher will occasionally go toe-to-toe with me in good fun. Today someone brought up the topic of love, and I got started on a rant which include me saying "I don't believe in love." (This isn't entirely true, but it was funny at the time.)

Fast forward an hour or so, and we're learning about EKG's (those long pages of lines that go up and down depending on how your heart is working). The teacher looks at me and says, "I can explain this and make it easy, but it's a story about love. Are you OK with that S?"
me--I don't mind. I don't believe in ghosts either, but I like stories about them. (I really do believe in ghosts.)

her--*pointing to the EKG graph* Here's the little P wave. She represents the woman. See how she's consistently there? And here's the QRS segment. He's the man. See how he dutifully follows the P wave? This is the way things are supposed to work.

me--So where on your little graph does the P wave get a knife and cut herself in the bathroom because she can't feel happy or sad?

her--That didn't really happen, did it?

me--I have pictures.

That shut her up.

Oh, J and I ended things today, so that sucked.

Yet Another Fun Night

2005-10-16T20:17:00.000-05:00

Last night in Athens was a blast. I got to see a some old friends, a few of which I haven't seen together in years. I also got to meet two of their significant others. Everyone got along, and before long we were all giving each other shit like old friends. After dinner and downtown drinks, one of the couples split off to get some alone time. The rest of us went back to the apartment to get gloriously hammered while playing a non-poker card game called "Apples to Apples." The game is simple enough for children, but damn, it's fun. Add some PG-13 nudity, a few embarrassing stories and a lot of laughing, and we all had a great time.

The only real downer was that one of our number was bedridden with a fever. She was missed.

I love my friends.

Fun Night

2005-10-15T12:36:00.000-05:00

the birthday cookout went well. there was plenty of beer and good food. the guest of honor was pleased. an impromptu water fight broke out and died before any of my shit got messed up. around 11, the party moved to our favorite bar. there was, of course, the obligatory drama, but eveything was resolved without too much fuss. by the end of the night, i'd gotten my cheeks kissed by some cute friendgirls and my nipple pinched by a sailor in uniform.

i'm now going to jump into the shower then head to athens to do it all over again.

Strange Post

2005-10-14T00:13:00.000-05:00

Only a few people will be able to really understand this post. I've avoided doing this thusfar because . . . well, i think it's pointless to throw something to everyone that only a few will understand.

I miss Lee.

I trusted her not to fuck me over, and she never did (to my knowledge). She had her problems, but I was comfortable with them, and I could work within their normal boundaries. She wasn't perfect, but neither was I. We fit each other. I want that feeling again.

I Should Sleep

2005-10-12T23:58:00.000-05:00

the following isn't pleasant. however, it's all true.

drinking alcohol while in a nicotine fit is a terrible thing for me to do, especially in front of one of the docs who actually likes me. tonight the following things came out of my mouth while in a prolonged, harried rant.

"i fucking hate people."

"if you want sympathy, it's in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphilis'."

"i love my life now. i wake up at 8 AM. . . jerk off. . .go to class. . .hit the gym. . .go home. . .jerk off again. . .clean the apartment. it's great."

"i never had any desire to help people or save the world. when i came to medical school i wanted to have fun. now i want to have fun and drive a BMW."

"i don't believe in altruism. i think Jesus had ulterior motives."

"meth is so declassé."

said rant was merely a symptom. . .an outward representation of a central problem.

i can't decide what i need more, someone to adore and understand me or someone to fuck me regularly. i've all but given up on finding both.

i'm pent up and pissed off 24/7. i feel like i need to start over completely. how can i get closure on the last 27 years? religion has failed me. drugs and sex have been interesting distractions at best. love is a the sum of smoke-and-mirrors and good timing. intellectual pursuits are nothing but mental masturbation. if it wasn't for my arrogance and intense contempt for my fellow man, i'd consider martyrdom.

comment, god dammit. i need input.

Illness Update And Thoughts

2005-10-11T20:04:00.000-05:00

so, i don't believe that i have strep throat. my doc now believes that i have a viral respiratory infection and the beginnings of bronchitis. since i'm susceptible to nasty respiratory infections and was hit hard with bronchitis last winter, she put me on antibiotics now.

on a completely different topic, i feel like an addict, but i don't know what drug i'm missing. i just feel unfocused craving.

tonight i was having a beer with my friend while sitting on his porch and talking about life. i said, "i think i need a girlfriend."
he replied, "girlfriends are for fags."
i think he was trying to surprise me into laughing. it worked.

Sometimes you just need the honesty and security of a whore.

Sick Again

2005-10-11T07:32:00.000-05:00

rubs and pills and sprays and swills and all around vapor vapor vapor . the smell of their's is a holdover from labs and positive pressure and the black lines that only appears in a place that would kill any one of us. mine stems from my incessant coughing and the sleep sweat.

i want to bottle the experience and throw it at people that i want to annoy or whom i want out of my life for brief periods of time.

Rambling

2005-10-08T00:54:00.000-05:00

sometimes i stand in awe when i actually listen to the shit that comes out of my mouth.

and then . . .

a friend called today to ask for advice about depression. i was glad to hear from her, but moderately disconcerted that i had legitimate advice to offer. i hate giving advice. seriously, before you ask me for advice, consider the source.

but also . . .

i want to socketfuck whoever rolled the first cigarette.

and yet . . .

lately, my muscles, bones, tendons, ligaments, various sundry parts and i have been spending a lot of time in the gym. my corporeal form is beginning to respond. we are not yet at the goal, but we are pleased.

Need Help

2005-10-02T20:33:00.000-05:00

I'm making a mix cd of torch songs. think "making love" not "fucking in a bathroom." any ideas, kids?

blah

2005-09-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

so damn tired.

J Update and Other News

2005-09-27T19:14:00.000-05:00

I went to J's place last night for the first time. She has two cats. One is very affectionate in an I'm-gonna-stick-my-claws-in-your-belly-and-my-nose-in-your-armpit kind of way. The other is very vocal but aloof. I like cats, so I think I'll get along with them.

J and I talked a bit. Things went well. I told her about my conversation with the Puerto Rican. She reminded me that she had told me not to change my plans, but other signals made me believe she was happy about it. We also talked about her ex in Maryland. I know she's not over him. I'm not pleased about this, but having been in similar situations, I am trying to be understanding. After we went to bed, she remembered that the television was still on and went to turn it off. A few minutes later, she came back. She said that the ex had just emailed her. After talking about things for a moment, I asked if she was in love with him. She said she was, but that it didn't matter. I disagreed. We talked a while longer, and I became increasingly uncomfortable and annoyed. Then I got up to leave. She stopped me, and we went outside for a cigarette. She told me things that I already knew. Her life is complicated. She's confused. During this I felt more and more like a consolation prize. Then she said that she didn't see me as a replacement or a substitute. That helped.

Today, she emailed me apologizing for the way she'd acted and thanking me for being patient. I told her that I wanted to see her and that I know we need to talk about things, but I don't want these complications to dominate the relationship. I also wanted to just spend time and get to know her better. I don't know if I'll see her tonight.

In other news, I saw my doctor today. My blood pressure is textbook mother-fucking perfect. I spoke with her about smoking cessation. I now have a bottle of Wellbutrin and a plan. Wish me luck, kids.

On a lighter note, last night with J was also punctuated by a bit of confusion. Around 11 pm, I got a voicemail from my parents. The incoming call alert didn't go off, just the voicemail alert. It's happened before, so I didn't think anything of it. I checked the message, and it was my mother very upset asking me to call home. The last time I heard a message like that my brother was in a terrible car accident. While listening to the voicemail, I got a text message from my mother saying to call home. I didn't even know my parents knew how to use text messages. I was a wee bit anxious. I called home and my father answered.

dad--(upset)Where are you?
me--(remaining calm)At a friend's place. What's wrong?
dad--(still upset)Why didn't you answer the phone.
me--It didn't ring. I only got the voicemail alert. Then I got the text message. What's Wrong?!?
dad--Where are you?
me--I told you I'm at a friend's place. Dad, tell me what the Hell is going on.
dad--We just got a collect phone call from the Dekalb County Corrections Institute asking if we would accept the charges from you.
me--(At this point, I know that there is no emergency, and I allow myself to get excited.)What the fuck?
dad--(still not calmed down)Your mother swears it was your voice. We tried to accept the charges and the connection was dropped. We called your house, and you didn't answer. Then we called your cell phone, and you didn't answer. We even called your brother, and he didn't know where you were.
me--(now I'm not calm)I told you I'm at a friend's place. My cell phone didn't ring. I'm not in jail. Jesus Holy Christ!! I ain't done shit in Dekalb County!!
(At this point my brother calls me. I tell him I'm fine and that I'll talk to him later.)
dad--Talk to your mother.
me--Oh. God. Dammit.
mom--(very upset)Where are you?
me--Hi Mom.
mom--Where are you?
me--*sigh* I'm at a friend's place.
mom--what friend?
me--You don't know her.
mom--What's her name?
me--Her name is (whole name).
mom--Who is she?
me--(sarcastic)We're actually dating, Mom. Would you like to talk to her?
(J's eyes get big.)
me--She's a little weirded out right now.
mom--I want the names and phone numbers of your friends. We didn't know how to reach you.
me--Fine. That is a fair request. I'll give you a half-dozen phone numbers tomorrow.

Several more minutes of reassuring my parents ensued. After I'd calmed down, J and I agreed that it was a funny situation. I think I figured out how this happened, but I still don't know why or who did it.

I've said it before. My life is a fucking soap opera.

It Was Gonna Happen Eventually

2005-09-26T18:37:00.000-05:00

So I've been seeing someone. We'll call her J. She's cute and smart and thinks I'm funny. We kissed for the first time two weeks ago today. It was the second time we'd seen each other. We weren't on a date, just hanging out with mutual friends. Our first date was the next night. After dinner, we talked at a nice bar then played pool in a dive. She kept the chopsticks from my dinner; I stole beer glasses from the dive.

Both of our love lives have been complicated. My most imminent issue is the doctor from Puerto Rico. We met when I was taking that class in Atlanta last winter. We were never an item, but she wanted to visit, and she did last spring. She had planned to return in October. This information was shared with J during our pre-first-date-getting-to-know-you conversation two weeks ago. Things between J and me have progressed since. Last night I brought up the other girl and her impending visit. I asked her how she felt about it. She said that she didn't have the right to tell me not to see her. I said I wanted to tell the Puerto Rican about us, and if she still came, it would be as a friend. She told me not to change my plans. I did it anyway.

She called tonight from Puerto Rico. I told her about the situation. There was no screaming, and I feel that I did the right thing, but I still don't feel good. She knew I couldn't be anything more than her friend and lover. Once things with J had progressed to the point that I began to see potential, I knew I had to say something.

The fact remains that I don't know what will happen with J. She and I could hate each other by the end of the week. Such is life. She and I both want something more than sex from each other. If cancelling the trip is what it takes to show that I'm willing to put forth effort, then it's a small sacrifice.

J is at work now. I'm going to her place when she gets off. I want to talk with her about things, but mostly I want to spend time with her. We'll see how things go.

Quiz Time

2005-09-15T19:17:00.000-05:00

You scored as Hartigan. You are Hartigan.
You expect a lot from yourself. You want to do what is right, but if you don't succeed you can be very hard on youself. When things seem grim, litte things keep you going such as letters or gestures from others. A strong believer in justice, you always keep your values. Continue to make the most of your life, but make sure to ease up on yourself a little.

Hartigan

70%

Dwight

65%

Marv

58%

Nancy

58%

Shellie

50%

Gail

45%

Becky

43%

Yellow bastard.

38%

Jackie Boy

35%

Which Sin City character are you (new version)?
created with QuizFarm.com

So, I'm Not Completely Jaded

2005-09-14T21:44:00.000-05:00

It wasn't even a date. We were just hanging out with our friends. We laughed and flirted, and, when everyone else had gone, we sat and talked. There was an obvious silence in the conversation that needed to be filled. Then I kissed you. And right then I didn't care about the absurdly complicated reasons that we shouldn't be kissing. I was just happy to be there. It felt like offering you a physical thank you for all the times you'd made me smile in the short time I've known you.

I will enjoy this for what it is. I will not try to make it what it's not. God damn it, I'm not going to waste an opportunity to be happy.

Terminology

2005-09-07T20:42:00.000-05:00

***Pimp--verb--to grill a medical student
see also, "being pimped"

This act is most often performed in public usually by an attending physician, but the offensive party may also be a resident, intern, or, on occasion, a traitorous, Hell-bound fellow student. Any topic, no matter how insignificant, encompassed in the entire sphere of accepted Western medicine is fair game. It is done under the pretense of education, but the twisted pleasure the inquisitive doctor experiences is betrayed by the throbbing erection and/or rock-hard nipples that are thrown into sharp silhouette by the unnatural Hell-light emanating from beneath their long white coats.

ex: (completely hypothetical--This did not happen earlier this afternoon.)
--doctor--Do you know why we are performing this procedure?
-student--Yes, sir. We are obtaining a sample of XXXXX to see if there have been any dysplastic changes.
--doctor--So what are the three possible outcomes and how would we treat each of them?
-student--(aloud) I'm not sure, sir. // (in thought) If I had known that I'd see this God damned thing today, I would have read about it last night. Fuck!
--doctor--Go find out and tell me in 10 minutes.
-student--(aloud) Yes, sir. // (in thought) Your heart pumps curdled shit.

laksjdflkasjf

2005-09-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

i'm fucking tired, and i can't think of anything clever or meaningful to say.

Too Quiet

2005-09-04T20:52:00.000-05:00

I went down the the huricane relief center again today. The center had been moved to a bigger building across town. It was practically empty. There were more volunteers than evacuees. You might be thinking "Isn't that a good thing? " I'd like to think so, but I'm afraid that people didn't know where to go. You see, we haven't gotten any of those busses of evacuees. Everyone we've seen drove themselves. The problem is that there was no administrative organization funnelling people to us. Someone said that churches and other aid groups had their own centers set up. I'm all for people helping out, but without organization, you're left with confusion. I'm worried that people simply didn't know where we'd moved.

Any group can pass out food, clothing, and sundry items. However, organizing and providing medical care is a bit more complicated. We had 2-4 physicians on site throughout the day, in addition to a handful of nurses and medical students. We were in contact with pharmacies throughout the city. We had people who understood the process of medical billing. I'm worried that our resources didn't reach the people who needed it most. For example, I saw a woman today with signs and symptoms of mild dehydration. Anyone can diagnose and treat that after reading a pamplet. However, she also had dangerously high blood pressure. Diagnosing and treating that is much more complicated.

Of course, I'm just speculating. Perhaps the need wasn't there. Perhaps other groups were just as prepared as we were. I hope whoever needed help got it.

A Reminder of Why I Went Into Medicine

2005-09-03T17:44:00.000-05:00

I woke up today with a message on my answering machine from a friend. She told me that a mutual friend and med student was trying to others to volunteer for a Salvation Army hurricane relief center. I got down there about 11:30 bearing lunch and my stethscope. There were lots of voluteers from various groups organizing shelters and passing out clothes, food, and personal items. There were also about half a dozen medical students and one nurse running the medical triage section. A doctor/professor also showed up. Our main job was getting people any necessary medications that they left behind. The most common problems were dehydration, high blood pressure and diabetes. Most of the time, things were simple. People just needed to be reminded of how and when to take their meds as well as how to avoid immediate problems caused by the situation. However, my friend and I did have to send one person to the ER.

I spent 6 hours working and enough money to fund a weekend of drinking on diabetic supplies that I donated. I also got to offer advice to some second-year students about potentially serious signs and symptoms. I feel like I actually did something good today.

The clinic shut down about an hour ago. My friend is coming over soon. We're going to watch college football and grill steaks. I feel a little strange . . . not guilty, but strange. Some of these people lost loved ones and nearly all of their property. I guess I'm just grateful.

Just Bitching

2005-08-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

I was chatting with a friend tonight about my love life, specifically why it's dead. Work, itself, has offered no opportunities. Aside from the ethical problems, my patient population does not an attractive dating pool make.
--possible opening line--
"Hey, i noticed the baby-daddy isn't around. Would you like to go out some time, ya know, as soon as you shit out that kid, turn 18, and clear up that STD? Call me."

My coworkers/colleagues offer only slightly more appealing opportunities. Most are married or taken. While this has rarely stopped me from pursuing something, I have learned not to trust those women. Regardless of the situation, if they'll cheat for you, then they'll cheat on you. Also, I'm generally not attracted to most medical students or doctors that I've met. The one medical student that I "dated" was a lesbian.

Most "nice girls" that I've met have no interest in me. That's fine by me since most nice girls bore the living Hell out of me. However, it would be nice to find an interesting, intelligent, available, honest female that doesn't feel the need to cut herself when she's feeling down.

My friend suggested, that I do something after work that doesn't involve drinking at a bar or lifting weights. She suggested that I join a yoga class. Personally, I'd rather leave this God-forsaken city and try my luck elsewhere, but since I'm stuck here for another 17 months, I may find myself in down-dog position very soon.

Last Night of Call

2005-08-31T15:59:00.000-05:00

Last night went well. I saw one vaginal delivery. I actually just saw the labor. Things got complicated toward the end and the attending and another resident had to get involved. With three docs and the leg drapes, I couldn't see anything until it was over. She was given an episiotomy, a incision that extends the vaginal opening so the baby could get out. I did get a ringside seat for the sutures that closed it. That was intense. That actually made me more nervous than a C-section. With a C-section, the patient is completely draped except for the belly. The patient might be conscious, but there is another drape between the docs and her head. Everything feels very sterile. Also, a C-section mostly involves the patient's insides, which feels very alien. However, with that epistiotomy, the patient was right there looking at us, and the area of interest is a familiar one. I'm not ashamed to say that it felt kinda creepy. So there you have it, folks. Another milestone.

The rest of the night went smoothly. The attending bought us all dinner. I got two hours of sleep (every little bit helps). I also got to do a cervical exam on a woman in labor. I got to feel the top of a baby's head before anyone had ever seen it. Strange.

I didn't do my presentation yesterday (because we ran out of time) or today. The attending from last night sent me home this morning. I jumped at the opportunity. We had almost no patients, and I was on the verge of falling asleep every time I sat down.

blahblahblahblah

2005-08-30T00:06:00.000-05:00

I just finished writing a powerpoint presentation on intrauterine contraception that made a reference to "Dr. Strangelove" and included a quote from one of my friends extolling the benefits of chemically killing her menstrual cycle. The female that is impressed and/or turned on by this will win the opportunity to date me for 3 months before we break up in a violent accusatory public spectacle where you'll try to fuck one of my friends and I'll report you to homeland security as a terrorist.

Break-up sex is optional.

ex oh ex oh ex,
S

god damn i'm tired

Coolness

2005-08-29T19:44:00.000-05:00

Today we had our regular afternoon OB department meeting. It started slowly because people were telling stories and chatting. Someone brought up the book "The House of God" by Samuel Shem, MD. It's famous in the medical community, loved by some, reviled by others. (If any of you would like some dark humor and a bit of insight into what your doctor has been through, I suggest you read it.) I mentioned that the author was the speaker at the 2005 hooding ceremony. One of the residents turned to me and asked out loud, "Do you know how we got him to speak?" She then looked at the attending who was running the meeting. Apparently the attending physician and Shem (a penname) had gone to medical school together and remained friends. I was blown away.

It's not a very happy book, but beautiful in its own way. It was written during the 70's, so some things have changed. For instance, I have yet to screw a nurse while on call, a fact I loudly lamented (which cracked up one half of the room and silenced the other).

Very Annoyed

2005-08-28T21:19:00.000-05:00

As far as my memory serves me, this is what I said to the manager of the local Atlanta Bread Company. I kept my voice at a whisper then entire time.

"I don't want to cause a scene, but the degree of unprofessionalism and incompetence shown by your employees borders on disgusting. It began when your cashier didn't know if it was possible to substitute one type of cheese for another on my sandwich. She also didn't know how to use a check card. I was going to let that go. Then we waited 25 minutes and were never paged for our order. When I asked if the to-go bag that had been sitting on the counter was our order, no one could tell me what was in the bag because there was no marking or receipt in the bag. We had to take the food out to find out that it wasn't ours. Five minutes later, we're told that our order had been mistakenly given to another customer. When we re-ordered, the second cashier ordered the wrong thing, and I had to correct her. Again, we were not paged when our food was ready. I'm not asking for a refund. I'm telling you this because it's your job to make sure these things don't happen."

She asked me who I was talking about, thanked me, and shook my hand. I never used the word "fucktard".

I'm becoming increasingly angry with minor frustrations. I've also been having tics more commonly. I know it's all stress-related. Sometimes it worries me. I've noticed that most people don't get this worked up everyday. I checked my blood pressure at work Friday. It's elevated again. Technically, I don't have hypertension, but it's a sign that something needs to change.